I'll Have the Blonde Sans Crazy

i need to be raped - 24 (your place)

Date: 2009-06-06, 2:47PM CDT

hot sub bottom boy here, 6-4 170lbs, tight bubble butt, deep throat, dd free, smooth body. i love to be skull fucked beyond remorse, have my ass ripped apart, piss play, being tied up and choked, and abused, if you can do these things to me and are dd free hiv- have me cum over now!!!!

In case were wondering. That's what's out there. During the years Michael and were together, I counseled single friends on the best way to meet someone with the cocky, steadfast optimism of someone in love. I'm trying to remember what I told them so I can tell myself the same thing now. Not that I want to meet someone. Meeting Michael, I told people, was fate. All they had to do was surrender to fate too and their Michael would come along too. Whomever I was advising must have wanted to rip my face off. Because when you are actually single, you feel like you are floating in outer-space. Anyone could tell you this way is up or the shuttle is over there but up looks just like down in space. It's very disorienting.

I spent some time today reviewing a few online options. Craigslist seems to be the place to go if you just want sex. Gay.com seems to be the place to go if you just want sex but want to act like you might want more. Match.com says they will match you based on interests, hopes, dreams etc but something tells me it's just sex there too.

The whole idea of meeting someone online is weird to me. I filled out the Match.com questionaire and felt like I was ordering a fancy deli sandwich. First you describe yourself (which I guess doesn't happen at a deli), then you describe him. I checked dark hair, brown eyes, 27-40 years old, professional etc and cast my ballot expecting to have a clerk assemble my desired mate under a sneeze guard, delivering him over the counter wrapped in wax paper with a pickle stuck to his crust. It felt wrong.

It felt wrong because the survey/order-form didn't include all those little things you can't anticipate liking in someone; things you swear will annoy you but when found in the right person become charming, desired. That's the funny thing about love, you can have an idea what you're hungry for but once you see the specials, you might change your mind. And aren't we allowed to change our minds? Brown hair sounds good now but what if brown hair only comes with detachment or a hairy back. Well then, I think I'll have Blonde. But what if Blonde only comes without buns and an extra dose of crazy? Well then, I don't want that either. I guess finding love is about finding yourself and remaining open to what comes along, special or not.